I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Even my vagina gasped.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
