is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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