TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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