I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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