like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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