R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
