you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
