If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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