found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
