My underwear smells like fireworks.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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