I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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