He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize