When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
