She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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