sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
