I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
