you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize