Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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