wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
