ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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