I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
