My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
