Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
