Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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