Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
