You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
