Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
