shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
