So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
