it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
bring money and cleavage
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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