Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
