hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
