My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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