But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
