sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
