If i come over, it means nothing
Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
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Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
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We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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