I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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