i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize