Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
4 words: hood of his car
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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