I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
honey bunches of taint.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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