I am spending my child support on dildos
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
pray to the hookup gods
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
