i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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