Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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