You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
