He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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