How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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