He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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