I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
