I'd wear matching sweaters with you
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
