It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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