This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
