So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
