No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you inspire me to be a worse person
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
