You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
