White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
