remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize