its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize