I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
she told me i tasted like america
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
