I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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