Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
