I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
