Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
