I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
