i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
