Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
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the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
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The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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