I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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