he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Randomize
