Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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