I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
sex in a hospital.. check
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
