he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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