I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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