Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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