3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I want to walk on stilts...naked
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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