Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
and you fell through a lawn chair
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
