I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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