using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
