Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
